This is a reply, rather comment on the article written by Ambika Bhan “speaking the truth”  for why she left the officers Training Academy.

Nothing against her or her freedom of speech. This more than being a reply to her is for those who have read her article and would, may be, have made a perception about the army or its training for the Lady Cadets. I would be brief about it.

1. First and the most important thing, there is nothing known as a “Lady Officer”, it’s only Officer. We have categorized everything so it is kind of sad.

2.  Ambika yes, your fauji friend was right, army doesn’t need women. But he did not complete, army doesn’t need women and with it, it doesn’t need a hindu, a muslim, a sikh, a marathi, or anything which divides. Army needs an Officer.

3.  The Indian state might be pretending to show that they believe in equality but do they invite or force anyone to join the OTA. We all have a choice.

4.  I am a feminist, and trust me I believe women are better that men a lot of times. Yes, there are physical issues faced by ladies but there is no ‘Fauji’ who does not have an injury. I during my training had 3 stress fractures, both shoulders dislocated, tissue rupture in lower back, ankle ligament tear in the right ankle and a few more here and there, and yes in the same academy.

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5.  I do agree the training might get a bit rash at times, but i loved each moment of it, and there are others, i am sure who do too.

6.  I knew I was physically not up for the training, so before I joined, I did work on my physical weakness, which later did help me. The academy sends ‘Joining instructions’ to all cadets joining and does mention what preparation one needs to go through before joining, which includes basic physical exercise also. If one does not adhere to it, is not the fault of the army or the academy.

7.  Ambika this one is straight for you. Whatever you were taught by your parents teachers about learning, questioning and liberating yourself was right, but whatever army asks you to do has a reason for it. It is not wrong. I am a bigger rebel that anyone can think of. But I do understand and believe what army does and say has a reason. You cannot blame the organization for your lack of understanding about its ways.

8.  I guess everyone does not understand, but i must make it clear, in the academy they do not make men out of boys of whatever you want to believe. One does not join the academy to become an officer. There they train you to be a soldier, a simple ground soldier. One becomes an officer after he/she passes out of the academy.

9.  For whatever reason you were told not to converse with a GC you just couldn’t understand it. But trust me, for a GC there is no difference between you and any other GC there. No one has so much time there to appreciate the curves. The only eye candy to any cadet there is his bed.

10. I have been born and brought up in this environment, and trust me have worked hard to be here. But there are, and will remain issues in the organization. There is always a negative to a positive, and that has nothing to do with the organization, it’s always the people. You cannot brand the organization.

11. The training at the Academy, explicitly wants, not you specifically, but everyone to shut off their minds and follow orders. And there is a reason behind it and a real one. Trust me the country has seen and won wars because of that reason. I would not like to explain you the reason as you are not part of the organization anymore.

12.  Like I said the Army does not want anyone from a particular state or region. It needs an Indian. And the SSB was just checking your awareness and looking for ‘your’ point of view about your state and its issues. It selecting you clearly shows that the organization has no interest in your being a Kashmiri.

13.  Yes I agree with you, it takes more than two stars and the uniform to justify our purpose and meaning in this world. But no one stops us from doing so.

14.  I am sorry if anyone called you DOPE and you took it personally. Clearly army wasn’t your place to be in.

15.   And like all you believed is a showbiz, has a reason. A reason I would like to clear. We are made to do all that cleaning and showbiz because we as officers will expect that out of the men we command tomorrow. If we don’t know how to do it, if we never did it ourselves, how and why can we expect it from the men. Lead by example, you see.

Last a few more words for my “Friend, no more in Arms”

My apologies, that there was no one to guide you during the training in the academy, no one who told and explained things to you. But what I could derive out from your words, (I am not judging you, believe me) is that you are a free bird, with free thought process. Your thoughts cannot be held captive, so, clearly Army was not the right place for you to be. I don’t know about others but I completely respect your decision. It’s yours and you have an individuality. But I would also like you to know that Army is not what you think it is, or described in your article. Your article is more about what’s wrong with the organization than why you left it. I wrote all this because I wanted to and another reason, there are lots of women who want to join the organization. I hope they do not get demoralized after reading your article.

We all understood that you wanted to leave, you left. So why write and even explain.

Friend no judgments and no perception about you. You are a strong woman with a strong will. Army is not your place and I believe that you, one day will do really well for yourself, and I shall be really proud of you.

Thank you,
Regards

Harmandeep

We have posted the SSB interview experience of Ambika Bhan recently, you can read it here. We got this email from her this morning about why she left the training at OTA, Chennai. In a disclaimer that this might invite the wrath n criticism of many but I think I owe it to myself n my pillars of support to write, write about my life’s biggest decision. To Quit The Indian Army.

I am not here to justify myself or to answer the many shocking voices of people who have known me , admired me , hated me or envied me. And especially those who so genuinely sought my advice n ‘gyaan’ once I got recommended. I am just here to do what I love doing … Speaking my truth in freedom without fear.

A dear friend and also an army man once told me, ” Indian army doesn’t need women.” I was offended by what he said feeling it as a direct blow to my feminist self. But I should have heard him completely.

Women in the armed forces are just the manifestation of an effort by the Indian state to prove that we believe in gender equality and women empowerment.

1. Let’s be frank about it women aren’t serving in combats n r not even needed to actually use a rifle once in the services. So to be logical I wasn’t going to be a warrior like my male counterparts would be.

Secondly 70% of the lady cadets inside had some or the other sort of a pelvic fracture, some even spine fractures… aggravated to the extent that they might not be able to conceive or the effects of these injuries shall be visible in later years.

Now my question … what’s the logic of having such a training regimen that results in you becoming a defaulted piece when u aren’t even going be in combat ?

N by this I don’t mean women are weak . MC Mary Kom could win us a medal even after having 2 kids. But an 11 month crash course to become an officer n that too in weather conditions of Chennai with no concept of any strengthening exercises and no sleep given are of course, going to lead to such dire injuries.

Ok , I am not supposed to say this or whatever happens inside the academy but when a human body doesn’t get time to heal and restore itself it breaks and that doesn’t make you strong. Well, it just breaks you.

Given the modern lifestyles that we live into its absurd to expect the majority of our generation to be a bodybuilder or something.

I don’t think even Olympic wrestlers would be lifting weights 24/7 for a year.

So Why doesn’t the SSB actually check n recommend the candidates who have been agile n active physically not someone who has always been playing in the pages of a book n busy preparing for competitive exams. Or better still increase the duration n the place of training and gradually get the body accustomed to the changes.

What is so peculiar about the training that a lady cadet doesn’t have her periods for 9-11 months straight.

2. For 23 years of my life , I was taught by my father , my teachers n my books to question everything n not to blindly follow. Because in your questions lies your key to knowledge n in knowledge lies liberation. The opposite of this was what precisely happened inside. Don’t ask questions. Don’t give explanations. The cultural and intellectual overhaul wasn’t something I wanted.
I was told that I will get used to it in 2 months . And of course, I will because after 2 months what will emerge will be an entirely different person with a perfect ability to take orders n mechanically respond to them. And I wasn’t ok with it .

3. I was despised n slammed by everyone inside for taking this decision. And I was told,” this is a prestigious academy and people like you ‘topper types’ ‘lawyer types’ with heads filled with ideas of rights , freedom , etc are always the ones who leave . We are creating men out of boys here !!! “
Great … but
What are you creating out of girls , certainly not women ???

In a subtle discourse on equality please observe I am a woman. You can train me to become a warrior . But you can’t turn me into a man and then tell me that ..look ! We have empowered you !
The identity crisis that ensues is idiotic.
And on top of that any contact or even having a basic conversation with a GC is prohibited . Because let’s admit this , “For them you are more of an eye candy since they haven’t seen a woman in a long time” .
So what’s the difference in n out ? When a girl is told ,” behave properly, don’t be friendly with guys they’ll think you are available “
Is it implied that a man’s sexual appetite and desires should guide a woman’s way of life.
Ok for some , but not for me !

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I have a body shape and curves. Trust me , I am not interested in inviting or exciting anyone sexually but don’t expect me to magically flatten my cleavage just because the sepoys n the jawans n other GCs are there.

4. If the training at the academies explicitly wants me to shut off my mind and follow orders ( which by the way is necessary for the armed forces) then why did you choose a person who is rational.
I didn’t fake anything at the SSB. My entire interview revolved around me being a Kashmiri and the politics of my state , my take on that. With the zeal and creativity, I answered those question my IO complimented me saying,”you know how to play with words”. So how am I being expected to crush and kill that creativity and the love for freedom of speech and expression.  I am a lawyer and a writer on top of that . The last thing I can do in this world is to lower my eyes and say , YES SIR , YES MAM to even the things that are absurd n illogical.

You know it would take more than 2 stars and a uniform for me to justify my purpose and meaning in this world.

5. There is a term called being in DOPE that means your body n mind are exhausted to such a level that your motor skills become weak and you are like those slum dwelling kidnapped drugged children. To quote an example , if a national level debater like me can fail to introduce herself before 30 people then there certainly is a problem.
And for someone who used to study for 12 hours a day I am not able to read even 10 pages at a stretch and understand anything.

6. So another set of taunts that I heard was ,” what will you do outside ? Wear bangles , a saree and have kids ?”
And all this from lady officers .
I was enslaved there , I couldn’t question u back but today I can .
“Our mothers wear a saree , she gave birth to us , does it make her weak ? “
Oh , and Indira Gandhi wore a saree , did that make her weak?
Doesn’t almost every girl want to be a mother someday? To bring a life into this world .
It’s hysterical and almost funny that their notions of strength have skewed to such a level that someone who can’t do 500 pushups is ‘mentally weak’.

7. And , why the showbiz for god sake ? Why ds the cupboard have 2 sets of uniform hanging , just like that n not to be worn? Why is a Harpic and colin issued to you but u aren’t supposed to use it to clean ur bathrooms n buy ur own?

8. A captain’s wife almost my age and I have to wish her , even if I see her 1000 times … N later maybe even welcome her to a party n click her pictures while she joyously sips her drink. WHY … Rightfully boasting about myself I studied so hard , cracked the ssb , topped the exam to reach there and what did she do ?
Marry an officer ?
Well if that is the amount of respect that an army wife holds , I think it’s time I should get married to my boyfriend .

9. I had an injury and the doctor advised me that had I continued my both elbows had 90% chances of getting fractured as the angles were too much.

10. And to all those and to my own demons who might lead me to believe that I was a loser and a quitter .

It takes a lot of guts to kick a job of almost 70k bucks , to kick a job that shall give you a class 1 Gazetted officer status in GOI , to kick a job even though you got an AIR 2nd and you were a mini-celebrity , to kick a job despite knowing the fact that LOG KYA KAHENGE …

It takes a lot of strength to give up on things as well as people who can’t give you happiness and satisfaction despite of having to bear the taunts of the world.

IF A WOMAN IN COMBATS IS STRONG , THEN A WOMAN WHO DARES TO FOLLOW HER HEART AND DARES TO SPEAK HER TRUTH IS EQUALLY STRONG !!!

© Ambika Bhan (Athena )

P.S. my utmost respect to army n all those who have undergone or are undergoing the training to achieve their dreams. It is awesome and great but it wasn’t right for me, so please  don’t judge .

READ: Reply To “Why I Left The Officers Training Academy” By A Former OTA Cadet